Its quite a small word - trust - however it has some big issues attached to it.
Dictionary definition: Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing;
I'm a very open and honest person - too honest and too open on occasions. In my experience if we dont trust people we can end up isolating ourselves and no-one wants to do that. Therefore I have made the mistake of allowing people to enter into my life with no heed for who they are, what their agenda or what they want from me. I give me trust away with little regard to its value to me - and to others.
Anyway without boring you (or indeed myself - this has had WAY too much airplay for my liking right now) I've learnt an important lesson about trust over the last couple of days.
So my fine feathered friends. This blog is moving. To somewhere I can share it with people I trust.
M. x
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
Monday, 15 February 2010
Ignorance is bliss. Or not as the case may be...
I was meandering through the Evening Standard on the way home this evening. I can only apologise, but I do need something to fill my lovely 55 minute train journey :(
Anyway there was an article all about email communication - and specifically a study that had been conducted that looked at scenarios that led to people being *ignored* by email.
It basically talked about that fact that most people struggle with dealing with the concept of being ignored by email. I mean it’s bad enough if you know if someone point blank ignores you – it’s even worse if they hide behind cyberspace isn't it?
So how do you chase people down if they ignore you without appearing needy, psychotic or like a stalker? Do you wait a week and re-email? Do you call and also email? Do you go straight to their line manager and grass them up? What is politically correct these days?
This study had spent time looking at hierarchy within the business too - who were the people who replied dead quick and who were the people who got ignored? Basically it depends on where you sit in the grand scheme of things as to how promptly you get responded to – if at all that is.
If you're deemed important then you'll get a reply - this group includes PAs too – so you can’t apply a rule of thumb about the size of salary vs. response time - and no I don’t have a chip about PAs as I used to be one years ago. The interesting thing was that if you are just perceived as a *grunt* worker - someone that is more administration orientated or low profile - then you are highly likely to get ignored.
I started to think about whether this applies to our personal lives too. And I think it does – to a lesser extent – but I do think that subconsciously we all rate people emotionally and give them a priority rating – and that’s driven by our own emotional state at that specific point in time – and we respond to the people around us within the time span, and in a manner, that we feel is right and appropriate. Its not necessarily being ignored – it’s just about priorities. And sometimes lack of head space.
So if you’re on the receiving end of someone’s *diminished priority* – when maybe you think that you should be their number one priority – how do you deal with it without falling into the needy category?
I went out for a drink with a guy last week. We'll call it a date for arguments sake. Anyway - an ok evening - no major chemistry so I'm happy to call it a day. However at the end of the evening he says to me "Its been fun. Shall I call you or will you call me?", so I say "Why dont you call me....?" And needless to say he doesnt - I dont die in a ditch - its not personal - its not a reflection on me - its a reflection on him and the priority he placed on me. Just because I'm not a priority to him doesnt make me any less of a person. My opinion of me is important. His isnt.
I mean let me put it another way - I know that when I am maxed and doing BITH (Bunny in the Headlights) thing then I do tend to ignore people. I just focus on me and cracking on with the job at hand. However I know when my friends are doing it to me – maybe they are in meetings all day or need to get their head down and focus or simply cant muster up the emotional bandwidth to deal with someone else as well as whats going on in their world – well I don’t take it personally. I just acknowledge the fact that I’m not always a priority – after all its not about me – its about them ;)
Anyway there was an article all about email communication - and specifically a study that had been conducted that looked at scenarios that led to people being *ignored* by email.
It basically talked about that fact that most people struggle with dealing with the concept of being ignored by email. I mean it’s bad enough if you know if someone point blank ignores you – it’s even worse if they hide behind cyberspace isn't it?
So how do you chase people down if they ignore you without appearing needy, psychotic or like a stalker? Do you wait a week and re-email? Do you call and also email? Do you go straight to their line manager and grass them up? What is politically correct these days?
This study had spent time looking at hierarchy within the business too - who were the people who replied dead quick and who were the people who got ignored? Basically it depends on where you sit in the grand scheme of things as to how promptly you get responded to – if at all that is.
If you're deemed important then you'll get a reply - this group includes PAs too – so you can’t apply a rule of thumb about the size of salary vs. response time - and no I don’t have a chip about PAs as I used to be one years ago. The interesting thing was that if you are just perceived as a *grunt* worker - someone that is more administration orientated or low profile - then you are highly likely to get ignored.
I started to think about whether this applies to our personal lives too. And I think it does – to a lesser extent – but I do think that subconsciously we all rate people emotionally and give them a priority rating – and that’s driven by our own emotional state at that specific point in time – and we respond to the people around us within the time span, and in a manner, that we feel is right and appropriate. Its not necessarily being ignored – it’s just about priorities. And sometimes lack of head space.
So if you’re on the receiving end of someone’s *diminished priority* – when maybe you think that you should be their number one priority – how do you deal with it without falling into the needy category?
I went out for a drink with a guy last week. We'll call it a date for arguments sake. Anyway - an ok evening - no major chemistry so I'm happy to call it a day. However at the end of the evening he says to me "Its been fun. Shall I call you or will you call me?", so I say "Why dont you call me....?" And needless to say he doesnt - I dont die in a ditch - its not personal - its not a reflection on me - its a reflection on him and the priority he placed on me. Just because I'm not a priority to him doesnt make me any less of a person. My opinion of me is important. His isnt.
I mean let me put it another way - I know that when I am maxed and doing BITH (Bunny in the Headlights) thing then I do tend to ignore people. I just focus on me and cracking on with the job at hand. However I know when my friends are doing it to me – maybe they are in meetings all day or need to get their head down and focus or simply cant muster up the emotional bandwidth to deal with someone else as well as whats going on in their world – well I don’t take it personally. I just acknowledge the fact that I’m not always a priority – after all its not about me – its about them ;)
Sunday, 14 February 2010
A side order of guilt....
Guilt's a funny thing. You know? Creates some very odd behaviour.
I've just looked up the dictionary definition of guilt; a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.
Like most people I always do my damndest to be all things to all people. I'm a girl and I work in Marketing (of sorts) therefore I am an *organiser*. I always used to be the one running around after people, shepherding them in the right direction and making sure that they were happy. Or at least I used to be that person. The one fussing and faffing and worrying myself silly - I wanted to personally ensure that everyone was having a good time. All the time. They didnt have a choice in the matter! And if people weren't having a good time then it simply had to be my fault. Didnt it?! I'd spend hours obsessing over a situation to work out where I'd gone wrong, what had gone awry and if I'd been perfect then how much better it would've been for all parties. That's changed these days.
It's taken a long time (38 years to be precise) to suss out that I cannot assume responsibility for everyone. Or anyone. Well anyone other than me that is. Its best if I just take responsibility for myself and thats it.... We'd all love to be seen as the all conquering hero / heroine. However the fact of life is that nobody is perfect. Even those people who appear from the outside looking in to lead the most perfect, guilt-free lives - well invariably they are as flawed as the next person.
Striving for perfection is a recipe for failure, since it can never be attained. We all make mistakes. The key, however, is to recognise when something could / should have been done differently, learn from it and accept that we’re only human.
These days I don’t engage in days, weeks or months of self-blame or beating my self-esteem with a big stick because I should’ve known better, should’ve acted differently, or simply should’ve been a better person. That’s just life. Much easier if you just accept it.
I've just looked up the dictionary definition of guilt; a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.
Like most people I always do my damndest to be all things to all people. I'm a girl and I work in Marketing (of sorts) therefore I am an *organiser*. I always used to be the one running around after people, shepherding them in the right direction and making sure that they were happy. Or at least I used to be that person. The one fussing and faffing and worrying myself silly - I wanted to personally ensure that everyone was having a good time. All the time. They didnt have a choice in the matter! And if people weren't having a good time then it simply had to be my fault. Didnt it?! I'd spend hours obsessing over a situation to work out where I'd gone wrong, what had gone awry and if I'd been perfect then how much better it would've been for all parties. That's changed these days.
It's taken a long time (38 years to be precise) to suss out that I cannot assume responsibility for everyone. Or anyone. Well anyone other than me that is. Its best if I just take responsibility for myself and thats it.... We'd all love to be seen as the all conquering hero / heroine. However the fact of life is that nobody is perfect. Even those people who appear from the outside looking in to lead the most perfect, guilt-free lives - well invariably they are as flawed as the next person.
Striving for perfection is a recipe for failure, since it can never be attained. We all make mistakes. The key, however, is to recognise when something could / should have been done differently, learn from it and accept that we’re only human.
These days I don’t engage in days, weeks or months of self-blame or beating my self-esteem with a big stick because I should’ve known better, should’ve acted differently, or simply should’ve been a better person. That’s just life. Much easier if you just accept it.
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
Honesty is the only policy
So I've been remiss. Bad Mel. Punishment will be dispensed at some point. No doubt. And no I haven’t been ignoring you - how could you possibly think that?!
I've been thinking today about honesty. It’s something that we would all wear as a badge of honour - of course - after all we are honest people - aren’t we? The sad truth is that we aren’t. Not always. When it suits us we are. And when it suits us we aren’t. Shimples.
I've been on the receiving end of dishonest behaviour and also on the giving end of it too. Much as it shames me to admit it. At least I can admit it. And hell no-one is perfect. No-one. Sometimes we cut out cloth accordingly as to what suits us in the moment.
What I find *challenging* is when people can’t / wont / don’t fess up to their own dishonesty. We all do it. The dishonesty thing. Why hide it? It’s what makes you human after all. We can’t be all things to all people. So why try? Why not be the best that you can within the parameters of who you are as a person - without over committing - and make yourself and others happy?
What gets me (and really gets my friendly neighbourhood goat too) is when people think that they are doing the right thing by not telling the truth. Who are you helping right now? Really....?
Telling the truth is difficult. That’s why people lie. It's natural that we all want to look good. Not be the bad person. Lying is tied to self esteem. According to the people in the know anyway. Why do we put ourselves before someone else in the self esteem stakes?
Right now I have no answers to anything - merely questions, suppositions, observations and a few assumptions.
I've been thinking today about honesty. It’s something that we would all wear as a badge of honour - of course - after all we are honest people - aren’t we? The sad truth is that we aren’t. Not always. When it suits us we are. And when it suits us we aren’t. Shimples.
I've been on the receiving end of dishonest behaviour and also on the giving end of it too. Much as it shames me to admit it. At least I can admit it. And hell no-one is perfect. No-one. Sometimes we cut out cloth accordingly as to what suits us in the moment.
What I find *challenging* is when people can’t / wont / don’t fess up to their own dishonesty. We all do it. The dishonesty thing. Why hide it? It’s what makes you human after all. We can’t be all things to all people. So why try? Why not be the best that you can within the parameters of who you are as a person - without over committing - and make yourself and others happy?
What gets me (and really gets my friendly neighbourhood goat too) is when people think that they are doing the right thing by not telling the truth. Who are you helping right now? Really....?
Telling the truth is difficult. That’s why people lie. It's natural that we all want to look good. Not be the bad person. Lying is tied to self esteem. According to the people in the know anyway. Why do we put ourselves before someone else in the self esteem stakes?
Right now I have no answers to anything - merely questions, suppositions, observations and a few assumptions.
Thursday, 28 January 2010
The glass debate
Is it half empty or half full? Which way are we really supposed to look at it?
So my yoga teacher is this blonde aussie amazonian beauty - she is one of the most awesome people I know. She is beautiful - inside and out - and I seriously mean that - and on top of that she is just this amazing human being - kind, caring, thoughtful and yes you guessed it SINGLE!!!!
So she's popped up on IM - just to check in really - find out why she hasn’t seen me for ages. So we had a little chat about stuff - she has been a broad pair of shoulders for me to lean on when things have been a bit tough and she knows me quite well - anyway we were chatting and she confessed to feeling really unsure about whether she would ever meet someone - she has an amazing life, friends, family, business etc. however does want someone to share it with. (It always comes back to *boys* doesn’t it?!) Anyway I'm like wtf? This is like I've never heard her before - she is always soooooo upbeat and positive normally - for once it was me proffering pearls of *wisdom* - god help her!
In the end I 'spose it comes down to perspective doesn’t it?
We can all have a bad day and see things in a very dim light. The trick/knack/whatever is to recognise it and then choose how you want to deal with it. You can choose to wallow in your own vat of self pity and generally moan about how terrible things are. Alternatively you can choose to face up to the fact that even though you're not 100% happy - you're still alive - no one has died (well I hope not anyway) and that you will make sure that tomorrow is be a better, brighter and generally bubblier day. This is also known as manning up.
So my yoga teacher is this blonde aussie amazonian beauty - she is one of the most awesome people I know. She is beautiful - inside and out - and I seriously mean that - and on top of that she is just this amazing human being - kind, caring, thoughtful and yes you guessed it SINGLE!!!!
So she's popped up on IM - just to check in really - find out why she hasn’t seen me for ages. So we had a little chat about stuff - she has been a broad pair of shoulders for me to lean on when things have been a bit tough and she knows me quite well - anyway we were chatting and she confessed to feeling really unsure about whether she would ever meet someone - she has an amazing life, friends, family, business etc. however does want someone to share it with. (It always comes back to *boys* doesn’t it?!) Anyway I'm like wtf? This is like I've never heard her before - she is always soooooo upbeat and positive normally - for once it was me proffering pearls of *wisdom* - god help her!
In the end I 'spose it comes down to perspective doesn’t it?
We can all have a bad day and see things in a very dim light. The trick/knack/whatever is to recognise it and then choose how you want to deal with it. You can choose to wallow in your own vat of self pity and generally moan about how terrible things are. Alternatively you can choose to face up to the fact that even though you're not 100% happy - you're still alive - no one has died (well I hope not anyway) and that you will make sure that tomorrow is be a better, brighter and generally bubblier day. This is also known as manning up.
What's it all about Alfie?
Earlier someone said to me "I like your style" - as in one person’s endorsement of another’s actions. It got me thinking about style - as in general style. In the visual sense. Am I making any? Sense that is. Most probably not knowing me.
Anyway - this style thing - I've always been in awe of people that I think look / act / behave in a stylish way. How can people be that comfortable in their own skin?
Anyone that *knows* me has an inkling about the HUGE hang ups I have - it just makes me no different from anyone else I suppose. We'd all love to be taller / skinnier / prettier etc. When actually what we should do is focus on what we have - rather than aspiring to have something totally unrealistic - and make the best of it.
As part of Project GAP (yes that chestnut again!) I've decided that I should follow my own advice. And learn to love my own style. So the blonde thing (which has generated some very interesting comments to say the least) is about me working out what *my* style is. I've always been totally conservative - never wanted to stand out - never wanted to stick my head about the parapet. Time for a change me thinks.
Anyway - this style thing - I've always been in awe of people that I think look / act / behave in a stylish way. How can people be that comfortable in their own skin?
Anyone that *knows* me has an inkling about the HUGE hang ups I have - it just makes me no different from anyone else I suppose. We'd all love to be taller / skinnier / prettier etc. When actually what we should do is focus on what we have - rather than aspiring to have something totally unrealistic - and make the best of it.
As part of Project GAP (yes that chestnut again!) I've decided that I should follow my own advice. And learn to love my own style. So the blonde thing (which has generated some very interesting comments to say the least) is about me working out what *my* style is. I've always been totally conservative - never wanted to stand out - never wanted to stick my head about the parapet. Time for a change me thinks.
Tuesday, 26 January 2010
Bunny in the headlights....
Do you ever have days where you have SOOOOO much to do that you just don’t know where to start? You get that Bunny in the headlights look on your face....?
I think I'm having one of those years. Normally I am Miss. Hyper-super-efficient at work. I write lists. I clear stuff off my list. Nice big ticks. I try and avoid my email - only respond for an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon - I figure if it’s important and the house is burning down they'll call me. I try not to schedule meetings for more than an hour - difficult where I work at the best of times. I try and do all the right things to make sure that I have enough time, energy and head space to be able to get through my stuff - my job is *slightly* visible after all :)
But sometimes all of those little tips and techniques just don’t cut it. It feels like one step forward and 48 steps back. It’s usually at times like this that I lose perspective on everything. I panic. I flap. I go quiet. I huff and puff a lot. I teeter on the edge of getting ratty with people because they want to *chat*...
It makes me question why I react so badly to stress. Is it because I am so obsessed with my job that I have to be seen to be perfect at all times? Is it because I feel that anyone that wants to chat to me (heaven forbid) has no consideration for my boundaries? Is it because I feel like I am totally out of control?
It’s a little bit of each of those things really.
Years ago someone (I think it was my ex - bless him - he did have a use) pointed out to me that even when you die your inbox will keep filling up - it’s never ever going to be empty. That depressed the buggery out of me at the time - however a little distance gave me some perspective - you know what? It’s true. I suppose it comes back to the control thing again - it’s human nature to want to control stuff. That bit comes naturally. What doesn’t come naturally - at least for me - is comprehending that sometimes I am just along for the ride - I am a passenger and should just buckle up - I can’t control everything. That I should just relax, chill out and go with the flow a bit more.
My inbox is a bit like my life really.....
I think I'm having one of those years. Normally I am Miss. Hyper-super-efficient at work. I write lists. I clear stuff off my list. Nice big ticks. I try and avoid my email - only respond for an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon - I figure if it’s important and the house is burning down they'll call me. I try not to schedule meetings for more than an hour - difficult where I work at the best of times. I try and do all the right things to make sure that I have enough time, energy and head space to be able to get through my stuff - my job is *slightly* visible after all :)
But sometimes all of those little tips and techniques just don’t cut it. It feels like one step forward and 48 steps back. It’s usually at times like this that I lose perspective on everything. I panic. I flap. I go quiet. I huff and puff a lot. I teeter on the edge of getting ratty with people because they want to *chat*...
It makes me question why I react so badly to stress. Is it because I am so obsessed with my job that I have to be seen to be perfect at all times? Is it because I feel that anyone that wants to chat to me (heaven forbid) has no consideration for my boundaries? Is it because I feel like I am totally out of control?
It’s a little bit of each of those things really.
Years ago someone (I think it was my ex - bless him - he did have a use) pointed out to me that even when you die your inbox will keep filling up - it’s never ever going to be empty. That depressed the buggery out of me at the time - however a little distance gave me some perspective - you know what? It’s true. I suppose it comes back to the control thing again - it’s human nature to want to control stuff. That bit comes naturally. What doesn’t come naturally - at least for me - is comprehending that sometimes I am just along for the ride - I am a passenger and should just buckle up - I can’t control everything. That I should just relax, chill out and go with the flow a bit more.
My inbox is a bit like my life really.....
Sunday, 24 January 2010
And the one thing I forgot to mention......
Is that it was an anniversary for me yesterday. And I completely forgot about it too until someone randomly said something that reminded me.
Drum roll please - I've been single for two years. Well actually its now 2 years and one day. That's 731 days.... Actually there was a leap year in there - make that 732 days. That's a long time you know?
I started to wonder - is it a good thing to remember *those* kind of anniversaries? And my answer - well yes I think it is a good thing. It’s important - it’s a part of my life - and with hindsight I wouldn't change it at all. No sireee Bob!
I started to think about the person that I used to be and the person that I am now. Two very different people. One definitely wouldn't have dyed her hair blonde that's for sure! I always thought being on your own was one of the most scary things you could do. And it is. However it’s also one of the most mad, crazy, liberating and exhausting things I've ever done in my entire life and I love it.
Like anyone I have days where I'm angry at everyone, lonely, fed up and all that tosh - days where I wonder when / if / how I will meet the person that will put a grin on my face - but you know what - that will happen. One day. Most probably when I'm least expecting it and totally not ready for it. But in the meantime I am going to crack on with the job at hand - I like my life now. I take things a little less seriously, a little less personally and a little more at face value. And that's a good thing - I think that feeling deserves its very own *like* button.
Drum roll please - I've been single for two years. Well actually its now 2 years and one day. That's 731 days.... Actually there was a leap year in there - make that 732 days. That's a long time you know?
I started to wonder - is it a good thing to remember *those* kind of anniversaries? And my answer - well yes I think it is a good thing. It’s important - it’s a part of my life - and with hindsight I wouldn't change it at all. No sireee Bob!
I started to think about the person that I used to be and the person that I am now. Two very different people. One definitely wouldn't have dyed her hair blonde that's for sure! I always thought being on your own was one of the most scary things you could do. And it is. However it’s also one of the most mad, crazy, liberating and exhausting things I've ever done in my entire life and I love it.
Like anyone I have days where I'm angry at everyone, lonely, fed up and all that tosh - days where I wonder when / if / how I will meet the person that will put a grin on my face - but you know what - that will happen. One day. Most probably when I'm least expecting it and totally not ready for it. But in the meantime I am going to crack on with the job at hand - I like my life now. I take things a little less seriously, a little less personally and a little more at face value. And that's a good thing - I think that feeling deserves its very own *like* button.
Sunday bloody sunday .....
Don't you just love 'em?
Well kind of yes. However they are full of random acts of kindness. Which isn't a bad thing. They put a grin on your face and get you thinking.
I was talking to a friend of mine today about control. And how we all strive for it. Subliminally. We all want to control what goes on in our world. End of. No its not up for debate.
However we need to understand that we can only really control what goes on in our world. We cant control outside of our own domain - that's uncontrollable. Doh.
Therefore don't bother. Control your energy. Pardon the pun. Control what is within your grasp.
Our energy and mood is what is within our grasp. Therefore that is what we should focus on.
I can choose to focus my energy on me. Its what I get the most out of. Its what gives the most back to me. Right now its where my energy is focused. Me. A novel experience.....
Well kind of yes. However they are full of random acts of kindness. Which isn't a bad thing. They put a grin on your face and get you thinking.
I was talking to a friend of mine today about control. And how we all strive for it. Subliminally. We all want to control what goes on in our world. End of. No its not up for debate.
However we need to understand that we can only really control what goes on in our world. We cant control outside of our own domain - that's uncontrollable. Doh.
Therefore don't bother. Control your energy. Pardon the pun. Control what is within your grasp.
Our energy and mood is what is within our grasp. Therefore that is what we should focus on.
I can choose to focus my energy on me. Its what I get the most out of. Its what gives the most back to me. Right now its where my energy is focused. Me. A novel experience.....
Saturday, 23 January 2010
Being blonde...
Project GAP kicked off in grand style at 9am. Why did I agree to being at the hairdressers at stupid o'clock? Anyway S I X hours (yes six hours) later and I am now a fully fledged card toting member of the peroxide blonde club. Awesome.
Strange how changing your hair colour can have an effect on your ego isn’t it? Silly really. It’s something I always remember from my childhood the profound affect it would have...
I had a conversation with someone this afternoon - a girl I know who runs a business near me - she's really easy to talk to - we have very different ideals and thoughts on what is and isn’t acceptable - however we both had crap weeks last week. We were talking about how we were going to man up.
We both agreed that in the end it’s down to making a choice. Isn’t that the way with most things? I can choose to be grumpy. I can choose to be narky. I can choose to be generally unpleasant. I can also choose to get some perspective and stick a grin on my face and get on with it....
In the grand scheme of things most of the things that rattle my cage are irrelevant. Did someone die? No. Then you silly arse crack on with the job at hand.
The one thing that I do know that I prefer the Mel that people get when I'm good. The bad Mel isn’t great. Don't think we'll be letting her out to play too often.
And here endeth the sermon for today.
Strange how changing your hair colour can have an effect on your ego isn’t it? Silly really. It’s something I always remember from my childhood the profound affect it would have...
I had a conversation with someone this afternoon - a girl I know who runs a business near me - she's really easy to talk to - we have very different ideals and thoughts on what is and isn’t acceptable - however we both had crap weeks last week. We were talking about how we were going to man up.
We both agreed that in the end it’s down to making a choice. Isn’t that the way with most things? I can choose to be grumpy. I can choose to be narky. I can choose to be generally unpleasant. I can also choose to get some perspective and stick a grin on my face and get on with it....
In the grand scheme of things most of the things that rattle my cage are irrelevant. Did someone die? No. Then you silly arse crack on with the job at hand.
The one thing that I do know that I prefer the Mel that people get when I'm good. The bad Mel isn’t great. Don't think we'll be letting her out to play too often.
And here endeth the sermon for today.
Friday, 22 January 2010
A starter for 10...
Blimey. I'm nearly 38 years old. And I've suddenly got down with the kids and decided that *blogging* might be a good idea. Mmmhh.
Well actually what I decided was that I would share what goes on in my diminutive little brain with the world. I find it amusing. Highly amusing some days. Plus I find it quite cathartic to write it all down. Removes the emotion and gives you that little bit of perspective you know?
Anyhoo - it’s Friday night - in the last 20 minutes three people have all popped up on IM asking if I am ok. All because I am in on a Friday night. Dear god. Weirdly enough though it’s not that unusual for me to be in on a Fritag. More unusual for me to be online. Not very rock and roll am I?
So dear reader what do I want to share today? Not sure really. It’s been a bumpy old emotional rollercoaster of a week. I've been very grumpy - in fact I've bored myself now with my grumpiness. I've eaten enough chocolate to sink a battleship. Which didn’t help with the general feeling of grumpiness. Or frumpiness for that matter. There's been a little too much navel gazing. There's been a little too much randomness. A modicum of randomness is a good thing - keeps people guessing - go past a certain threshold and people just think you're a plain nuts. Not a good look.
The net result of this white knuckle ride was a contemplative journey home tonight having bought a daft self help book at Waterloo. Minor aside - have you ever noticed how many self help books they sell in WH Smiths at Waterloo? A lot. I can only deduce from this that a lot of depressed people travel through Waterloo. Uhoh deviation - back to contemplating - the decision that I made was to start writing a blog and to man up. A sexist comment some might say - man up not writing a blog natch - girls normally are the protestors - however it works for me.
Saturday will be day 1 of *manning up* - also known as Project GAP (Grow a Pair) - and to kick off this monumental experiment I am going to dye my hair peroxide blonde. That'll scare a few people! Me included.
On that note - I'm doing one.
Well actually what I decided was that I would share what goes on in my diminutive little brain with the world. I find it amusing. Highly amusing some days. Plus I find it quite cathartic to write it all down. Removes the emotion and gives you that little bit of perspective you know?
Anyhoo - it’s Friday night - in the last 20 minutes three people have all popped up on IM asking if I am ok. All because I am in on a Friday night. Dear god. Weirdly enough though it’s not that unusual for me to be in on a Fritag. More unusual for me to be online. Not very rock and roll am I?
So dear reader what do I want to share today? Not sure really. It’s been a bumpy old emotional rollercoaster of a week. I've been very grumpy - in fact I've bored myself now with my grumpiness. I've eaten enough chocolate to sink a battleship. Which didn’t help with the general feeling of grumpiness. Or frumpiness for that matter. There's been a little too much navel gazing. There's been a little too much randomness. A modicum of randomness is a good thing - keeps people guessing - go past a certain threshold and people just think you're a plain nuts. Not a good look.
The net result of this white knuckle ride was a contemplative journey home tonight having bought a daft self help book at Waterloo. Minor aside - have you ever noticed how many self help books they sell in WH Smiths at Waterloo? A lot. I can only deduce from this that a lot of depressed people travel through Waterloo. Uhoh deviation - back to contemplating - the decision that I made was to start writing a blog and to man up. A sexist comment some might say - man up not writing a blog natch - girls normally are the protestors - however it works for me.
Saturday will be day 1 of *manning up* - also known as Project GAP (Grow a Pair) - and to kick off this monumental experiment I am going to dye my hair peroxide blonde. That'll scare a few people! Me included.
On that note - I'm doing one.
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