Ignorance is bliss. Or not as the case may be...

I was meandering through the Evening Standard on the way home this evening. I can only apologise, but I do need something to fill my lovely 55 minute train journey :(

Anyway there was an article all about email communication - and specifically a study that had been conducted that looked at scenarios that led to people being *ignored* by email.

It basically talked about that fact that most people struggle with dealing with the concept of being ignored by email. I mean it’s bad enough if you know if someone point blank ignores you – it’s even worse if they hide behind cyberspace isn't it?

So how do you chase people down if they ignore you without appearing needy, psychotic or like a stalker? Do you wait a week and re-email? Do you call and also email? Do you go straight to their line manager and grass them up? What is politically correct these days?

This study had spent time looking at hierarchy within the business too - who were the people who replied dead quick and who were the people who got ignored? Basically it depends on where you sit in the grand scheme of things as to how promptly you get responded to – if at all that is.

If you're deemed important then you'll get a reply - this group includes PAs too – so you can’t apply a rule of thumb about the size of salary vs. response time - and no I don’t have a chip about PAs as I used to be one years ago. The interesting thing was that if you are just perceived as a *grunt* worker - someone that is more administration orientated or low profile - then you are highly likely to get ignored.

I started to think about whether this applies to our personal lives too. And I think it does – to a lesser extent – but I do think that subconsciously we all rate people emotionally and give them a priority rating – and that’s driven by our own emotional state at that specific point in time – and we respond to the people around us within the time span, and in a manner, that we feel is right and appropriate. Its not necessarily being ignored – it’s just about priorities. And sometimes lack of head space.

So if you’re on the receiving end of someone’s *diminished priority* – when maybe you think that you should be their number one priority – how do you deal with it without falling into the needy category?

I went out for a drink with a guy last week. We'll call it a date for arguments sake. Anyway - an ok evening - no major chemistry so I'm happy to call it a day. However at the end of the evening he says to me "Its been fun. Shall I call you or will you call me?", so I say "Why dont you call me....?" And needless to say he doesnt - I dont die in a ditch - its not personal - its not a reflection on me - its a reflection on him and the priority he placed on me. Just because I'm not a priority to him doesnt make me any less of a person. My opinion of me is important. His isnt.

I mean let me put it another way - I know that when I am maxed and doing BITH (Bunny in the Headlights) thing then I do tend to ignore people. I just focus on me and cracking on with the job at hand. However I know when my friends are doing it to me – maybe they are in meetings all day or need to get their head down and focus or simply cant muster up the emotional bandwidth to deal with someone else as well as whats going on in their world – well I don’t take it personally. I just acknowledge the fact that I’m not always a priority – after all its not about me – its about them ;)